November

crisp leaves, crisp apples

tumbling into warm sweaters

and into cold nights

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Halloween Part 2

I could feel the crisp breeze between my fingers, could smell the heavy dose of chocolate floating in the air and taste the bitter fear in my throat.

“Are you alright my dear?” I remember an old woman asking.

I nodded, wishing the old woman would leave and smiled politely while praying that my sister would find me. Hesitating only a second, she did just that, carrying two orange pumpkins full of candy and leaving me with my eye patch. Not a second later the silence crept along my skin expanding the tight ball of fear between my lungs. I remember the fear. I remember breathing in and out until my sister found my hand. I remember she slid her gloved hand into mine, twining her long fingers with my short ones. I remember I grasped that hand so tightly I never wanted to let go again.

Halloween Part 1

On the cold night of October 31st, I wore an eye patch. I don’t remember how old I was this specific Halloween, but I remember the sensation of wearing an eye patch, only seeing out of one eye. Holding my sister’s hand, we made our way across the neighborhood in search of candy. As a child you have no sense of fear, at least not until it’s right in your face.

I had no fear until the warmth of my sister’s hand disappeared and I was left alone standing between a group of older children. I know now that I shouldn’t have been as afraid as I was. I had gotten separated from my mom, dad and sister before. But if you’ve ever worn an eye patch it dulls one sense and you become aware of the others. I could hear the laughter of children down the street, the skipping of feet and haughty laughs of plastic demons. False demons never seemed more frightening.

Joy and Pain

You were the most joy to have.

 

You took my hand and led

The way on a joyous spring day.

Through the Southern Magnolia’s,

The periwinkle peonies, the sweetest honeysuckle,

All shrouding my senses when I needed them the most.

 

After tea cups of tears

You simply halted my heart.

What an autumn filled time of lies.

Lightning strikes to keep my heart alight,

But the Thunder pounds, my breath stops.

 

You were the most painful to have

 

Seasons

I imagined being kissed under the Magnolia Tree,

Blossoms falling upon our bodies,

Spring, a reminder of new beginnings.

Your touch a warmth that soothes my mind,

a silent break of joy that my wide eyes

can’t disguise.

I imagined being touched surrounded by Orchids,

Petals scratching our naked backs,

Summer, a candle burning into the night.

Your grip a tight reassurance that urges me on,

My lungs fill with air and a scream cuts my mouth,

a tear of passion that my strained hands

can’t control.

I imagined being tortured beside the Rose bush,

Thorns nicking long delicate hands,

Autumn, a dark horse carrying nightmares.

Your hold a tightening leash that reminds me,

Constant pressure wraps around my body,

a thump of worry that my pumping heart

can’t stop.

I imagined being killed with an Amaryllis in my hand,

The red trumpet flower staining my fingers.

Winter, a silent wind freezing my heart,

Your absence a destruction that knocks me down,

Blood fills my lungs and overflows my mouth,

a breathless silence that my strained mouth

can’t stop.